We just celebrated 11 years together. Sometimes I wonder how we have made it through. But most of the time I still get the butterflies and flush hot when Tina flirts with me. Just like the beginnings…

Imani and I are searching “Napa, CA” on the computer. She is going to hang out with our friend Maryanne today while Tina and I celebrate our 11th anniversary touring vineyards.

There is a link to Marriage Licences. I say, “Wow, you can get married in Napa.”

“You can’t get married yet.”

“Why?”

“You have to wait until later.”

“Who am I going to marry?”

“Mama Tina. You and Mama Tina are going to get married. And all the boys and girs there are going to say, This is totally wicked!”

When we moved back to Sacramento 7 months ago (has it been that long? Did we ever leave?), we bought a new house. I love my house and i think we are very lucky. We got it for a great deal and it seems to be holding its value (fingers crossed). I know we will be fine because we plan on growing old in this house. My plan is to have it paid off in the next 20 years and retire. If we can tolerate living under a HOA and its CCNR’s. Yea, what the hell are those. Before signing on the dotted line, both Tina and I were fully aware that we were buying into a HOA managed neighborhood, but we were definately HOA virgins.

I attended my first HOA board meeting and was quickly schooled on the fine points of The Rules. Or CCNR’s. I am not sure what CCNRs stands for, but I quickly realized I needed to get home, search for our copy under the tombs of paperwork we received at the close of escrow, and hold it near and dear to my heart. I realized I was braking a few rules. I am not a rule breaker, unless you count being in a long term lesbian relationship, with a kid, and raising that kid as a heathen (not christened or baptized). Well, besides all that…I am parking on the street when I should be parking in my garage. Shit, that means I need to get off my ass and organize the garage. But my worst abomination is my lawn. It is not perfectly manicured and it is not the deep green of those lawns treated with who knows what. Maybe we should water more, but Tina doesn’t think we should have to pay $100.00/mo for water. And there are some issues around conserving water, right?

Well, what I really learned, is that some people are more comfortable when we are all the same. So my goal is to show our own little bits of diversity. I did organize my garage. And I am parking in it. But I’m going to paint my front door eggplant purple (once I get it approved by the HOA) and I put my stained glass rainbow peace sign in my front window.

I can’t really say I am uncomfortable living in a HOA managed neighborhood because I like order too. I like it when people take pride in who they are and their communities. I just hope that when my neighbor decides to put out Old Glory, he or she is fine with my Rainbow Flag.

Blessed Be.

The weather here is wonderful. I am loving it. Cool, crisp mornings and by afternoon, low seventies. It really couldn’t be better. Soon though, I will be complaining abut the endless Summer days of high nineties. We are settling into our routine here. and I am so happy about the food! And it shows. I have probably gained 10 lbs. Easily. I have over indulged at my long time favorite spots and I have found some new ones.

I have discovered Vietnamese sandwiches at Lee’s. Oh my god. Very simple, but very yummy. My favorite bakes their own baguettes and then they stuff them with thin slices of pork, fresh carrot slivers, jicama, cabbage, cilantro, and fresh jalapeño. I always ask for extra jalapeño. The best thing is all the ingredients are fresh and sliced very thin. One sandwich is about a foot long and is only 2 bucks. Lunch cannot get any better. They even have a drive through. I love Lee’s.

During my 4 years in Utah, I lived without Mocha and Pearl. Don’t ask me how, but I did it. Now I am making up for lost time. I don’t know the history of the Pearl. I am not sure even how or where it originated, but it is amazing. This drink si basic enough. Iced mocha. But some wonderfully kind person thought to put these marble sized balls of flavored gelatin in the drink. I love the dark coffee ones. You have to use a super size straw to drink the Mocha and Pearl. Pure heaven. My favorite place is on the Southside of Sacramento, where everything tastes a little better. But….I got Imani a Strawberry slushie with pearl and she hated the pearl. Now she orders drinks–no pearl!

I decided a new name was in order. I was having a problem connecting with the old name. Dancing in Color…I lost the connection between that name and how I wanted to identify this blog. Imani is the focus, as much as I dare to expose her and her life. I guess the most comfortable thing for me is to write about Tina and me, but Tina dislikes the exposure. She has started to sabotage my photo ops…I try to get her on the sly, but she always knows I am there.

Tina, Imani, and I went to SLC for Thanksgiving. We were only there for 4 days. It went by so fast, but we had a good time with the family. Tina and I were able to sneak out for a few hours to hang out with our friend, Eric. We had lunch and went to this great local book store. Great food, but I think the great local book store is a bit snobbish. I felt a little uneasy and over looked; like the locals knew I didn’t live nor was I from their quaint little $500,000 a house neighborhood.

Yesterday my sister emailed me an article from the Salt Lake Tribune declaring Utah the most depressed state in the country. I could have told her that. I was ready to reenter therapy and ask for medication before I left. The Thanksgiving visit was a bit surreal; everyone on their best behavior. I am so planning on following the three day rule from now on…I think it goes something like this-house-guests are like fish, they go bad after 3 days.

Imani had a great time. She was able to visit all the people she loves so much. I was a little worried she would want to stay with Grandma, Grandpa, and Toys R Us, but she was ready to come home as much as Tina and I.

There has been so much going on; I am having difficulty focusing on something to write about. We have moved into our home and most of the boxes are unpacked, but for a couple of weeks I did not have access to the Internet. It was crazy. Now we are trying to get back to normal.

Tina is working for a large insurance company and I work for a non profit. Imani is in preschool full time. I have worried about her the most, but no need. She is the most resilient of all of us. She is attending a Montessori preschool and seems to like it. Our biggest issue over the next year will be deciding where Imani will attend school. Private or Public? Tina went to public schools only and I attended both public and private schools. We are leaning toward public school. There are so many issues facing our schools, I feel it is important to become involved as a parent to fix the problems . I feel the public school system takes a lot of hits and the issues are too important to abandon the system all together by putting Imani in a private school.

I am taking a class at Sacramento City College. Global Women’s Issues. It is very heavy. I love it, but I also feel overwhelmed when I leave class. 3 hours on Saturday mornings discussing human trafficking, Walmart, globalization, capitalism, and the privatization of water is a little much. Each time I leave class, I wonder if there  really is anything that can been done to change the injustice. The only way I can try without becoming totally overwhelmed is to take one step at a time. I have decided never to shop at Walmart again. I mean never. Not when I am broke. Not when it is convenient. Not when I need to buy a big ticket item. Never. I am also trying to avoid Coke and Pepsi product, but that is nearly impossible. We have stopped buying bottled water. There are a couple of issues I have become aware of. First are all the plastic bottles produced for bottled water polluting landfills and waterways. Then there is the issue of the privatization of water. Apparently Coke, Pepsi and others are trying to buy up water sources so they can sell it to us. Water should always be one of those public domain necessities. It’s just something to think about. See, I am overwhelmed again. Don’t even mention McDonald’s and those little toys in the Happy Meals being made by 7 year olds trapped in slave labor in China.

Well, we made it. All in one piece; I am proud to say. No mishaps on the road. Except for Majik pooping on the hotel room bed. I don’t know anything about dog psychology, but I am betting she was pissed. I am sure she is still pissed because all 4 of us are jam packed in 1 bedroom. We are staying with friends until we are able to move into our house.

Yes, we already found a place! We bought a home in a new community, part of the suburban sprawl. We are definately happy with our decision because the housing market for us was looking bleak for a minute. The housing market crashed here, so most people are holding on to their homes until the market improves. The huge inventory in our price range consisted of short sales and repos. I had no idea what that really meant until we started looking at them. All of the repos were a mess. And not just from being empty for months. Most had not been taken care of for a long time. I got really discouraged. I was put off by how much work it was going to take to make a house like that even liveable. We were on our way to look at another repo, when we decided to check out a new housing community. I fell for it at first sight. It reminded me of Seattle or San Fransisco. Tall townhomes, houses close together, trying to squeeze out the most living space with limited square footage. This means we don’t have a yard. We have a patio. But we also have a park just a block outside our door. The thing about these “communities” is that they are required to include green space for all those people crunched together. Also the design of the homes are open with tons of storage space. We picked a 2 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, 1300 sq. foot. 2 level home. I love it. I can’t wait until we move in. I hope the neighbors are tolerable, since I will be eating my dinner about 10 feet from them.

Sacramento is everything a remember and even a little bit more. I missed this place so much. It is where I grew so much as a person. All the strip malls mixed in with big box stores. Pure Americana. My favorite is Midtown. That is where I can find my favorite coffee shop, bookstore, restraunts, and garden shop. If you ever make it to Sacramento you have to go to William Land Park. It is amazingly beautiful. People are nice here. It is even possible to get assistance at Home Depot. And the diversity, I can’t even mention it without feeling overwhelmed. Imani was with Tina in the car after daycare one day. She was talking about playing with another girl. They had been playing dress up. Imani said this little girl has brown skin, just like her and was her friend. She was content to know a peer who was similar to her. Okay, the payoff is already acruing value.

Tina and I both have jobs, so I guess we’ll be able to pay the mortgage. Not sure about daycare, but we are back and that’s what’s important.

I am promising myself this is the last time I write about how my family is coping (or not coping) with our moving to Sacramento. Last night Tina and I went to dinner with my mom, dad, siblings and their respective partners. We went to my favorite sushi place. Dinner was wonderful. I had a few cocktails to take the edge off and the sushi rolls were out of this world. We were all being quite civil, which we can do in public. It was a great time. I even had the pleasure of watching the owner of the restraunt make the sushi, from a distance. It was amazing to see his commitment and dedication to his craft. We all left the restraunt feeling incredible. I am sure they put crack in the T & T sauce.

Once we got back to my parents, Tina went to bed and put on my PJs. I thought it would be nice to sit around the living room with my parents and sister to bond. MISTAKE. That was the kind of mood I was in after that amazing food. I forgot all about self-preservation. My guard was down. After a few moments of polite conversation, my sister started saying how mad she was that we were moving and that it was not okay. She said we were making the biggest mistake and we would regret it. We have ruined everything for Imani, for the whole family. Nothing will ever be the same again. We made an impulsive decision and we don’t know what we are doing. Imani will forget them and they will be strangers to her. We will never come back. Then she said the most hurtful. She said she was done and when we pull out of the driveway, she is not going to be there. What does that mean? She isn’t going to put forth any effort to keep in touch with us? To keep her relationship with Imani intact? Wow. I didn’t expect that from her.

Throughout her monolouge I tried to explain why we made the decision we have. It was useless. She has blinders. I expect this kind of thing from my brother. At dinner he already referred to Imani as “Imani who?” Just to be funny. He even got a few laughs. You may be thinkjng about my parents at this point and their reaction as they sat there on the living room couch next to me. My dad has been the most supportive of me and this decision. He was saying how they will come out to visit often and bring Imani to Utah for visits. My sister’s response was to say “Yeah, right. No you won’t.” At one point my dad reached over and patted my hand. My mom sat on the couch crying, saying Imani was going to forget her. Great. At this point I was really at a loss. Bed was my only solution.

What amazes me most is that in the past 4 years that we have lived here, Tina and I have been nothing but supportive of my family. It didn’t matter what decision, choice, or mistake was already made. I know they have not even considered how painful their words and actions have been to me. And they never will. You see my guard is back up and I will not let it down again.

I am using this blog as therapy. I am sure some people do the same. Seeing all this in writing, makes it easier somehow; not as tragic, swirling around in my thoughts. Last night even seems a little silly, surreal. My sister has diagnosed herself with Asperger’s Syndrome. Maybe electro shock therapy would be helpful?

We are staying with my parents for the last few days we are in Utah.Which is going to make it all the more difficult to pull away Saturday morning. We have been with them since Sunday night and there have not been any casualties. My sister lives with my parents and she is taking our move the hardest. She is operating at a moderate fume level at this point. But Sunday she was explosive.

Tina and I had a couple of garage sales to get rid of massive piles of junk. About 4 years ago Sherry gave us a purple chair and ottoman. They were huge and we decided we didn’t want to take them to Sacramento, so we asked her if she wanted them back. She said yes. During this time she was studying for and taking the Bar Exam so she was incommunicado. Tina kept obssessing about the chair and ottoman. “Your sister really needs to come and get this chair. When is she coming to get the chair? Have you talked to your sister about the chair? There are a couple of people at my office who are interested in the chair. Have you heard from your sister?” I succumbed to the easy way out and we sold the purple chair and ottoman.

I told my mom, but I asked her not to tell my sister until I had the chance. She told my sister. This is the hell I live in. Needless to say, Sunday night she let me have it. At least 2 battles ensued with only a handful of the F word thrown around. Not only was she upset over the fact that we are moving and we sold her chair and ottoman, but because we did not tell her first. I have really avoided telling any member of my family that we are moving because of the looks of reproach and judgement. I needed a couple more days before I told her about the chair/ottoman. It takes time to make up a huge, convincing lie. Damn my mom.

Sunday night my brother and his family came over for dinner (enter the Terrorist). There was visible tension in the atmosphere between my sister and I and he was reveling. As the evening wore on, the tension decreased and my sister and I were being civil. This my brother could not tolerate. He is the Rush Limbaugh of the family. Right before he leaves for the safety of his Ford Explorer (all 5 children as cover), he pulls the pin on the grenade. “I was looking for a nice, big, comfortable purple chair to sit on; with an ottoman to rest my feet, but someone sold it!” My sister battled on and I retreated, giving Tina the cold shoulder all night.

Only one more week left until we are on the road to Sacramento, 5 days to be exact. I am freaked out, trying to fit all the last minute details into place. I was really hoping that we could fit all of our stuff into one of those moving containers, but not quite enough room. We will have to pull a small trailer behind Tina’s car and get a storage unit in Sacramento. I am a little nervous about this, picturing all sorts of disasters. The trailer careening down I-80, taking out several cars. The car’s engine burning up outside of Battle Mountain, NV. I am usually not so fatalistic, but this move has been tumultuous. First Tina and I wavering about the decision for the past 6 months and then my family being unsupportive and a little pissy. Unmedicated emotional rollarcoasters are horrible.

It has been difficult to be excited about this move. I have had a few learning moments realizing how people react when you make a life choice that does not match their choices for you. I have been surprised by the questioning of our parenting and decision-making skills, even by people who do not have children or particularly like children. How dare we take Imani away from her extended family?!? Godforbid, they will never get to see her again!@#*! (Big sigh) I know they are just trying to express how much they love us and will miss us, but I just can’t wait until we are settled in Sacramento.

I am trying to take in all the wonderful things I love about Utah in the little time we have left. We are getting together with friends, going to favorite restraunts, and taking in all the positive energy from the incredible mountains.  Our house is almost completely empty and I am immediately reminded of the day we left our  first house in Sacaramento. It was a beautiful June morning; Imani was 5 months old. Tina and I were just getting used to the idea of being parents. Just understanding that every decision we made would impact the person she is and would become. We pulled out of that driveway with some doubt and regret, but we did it anyway. It was an important decision and life lessons have been learned in the past 4 years of our journey here.

Now I look into Imani’s empty bedroom, all her things packed away until we find a new home, and I realize the what we are teaching her now. Be fearless. Welcome change and new adventures. Take on challenges and overcome adversity. Not bad for a couple of freaked out moms.