Welcome to Sactown!

Well, we made it. All in one piece; I am proud to say. No mishaps on the road. Except for Majik pooping on the hotel room bed. I don’t know anything about dog psychology, but I am betting she was pissed. I am sure she is still pissed because all 4 of us are jam packed in 1 bedroom. We are staying with friends until we are able to move into our house.

Yes, we already found a place! We bought a home in a new community, part of the suburban sprawl. We are definately happy with our decision because the housing market for us was looking bleak for a minute. The housing market crashed here, so most people are holding on to their homes until the market improves. The huge inventory in our price range consisted of short sales and repos. I had no idea what that really meant until we started looking at them. All of the repos were a mess. And not just from being empty for months. Most had not been taken care of for a long time. I got really discouraged. I was put off by how much work it was going to take to make a house like that even liveable. We were on our way to look at another repo, when we decided to check out a new housing community. I fell for it at first sight. It reminded me of Seattle or San Fransisco. Tall townhomes, houses close together, trying to squeeze out the most living space with limited square footage. This means we don’t have a yard. We have a patio. But we also have a park just a block outside our door. The thing about these “communities” is that they are required to include green space for all those people crunched together. Also the design of the homes are open with tons of storage space. We picked a 2 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, 1300 sq. foot. 2 level home. I love it. I can’t wait until we move in. I hope the neighbors are tolerable, since I will be eating my dinner about 10 feet from them.

Sacramento is everything a remember and even a little bit more. I missed this place so much. It is where I grew so much as a person. All the strip malls mixed in with big box stores. Pure Americana. My favorite is Midtown. That is where I can find my favorite coffee shop, bookstore, restraunts, and garden shop. If you ever make it to Sacramento you have to go to William Land Park. It is amazingly beautiful. People are nice here. It is even possible to get assistance at Home Depot. And the diversity, I can’t even mention it without feeling overwhelmed. Imani was with Tina in the car after daycare one day. She was talking about playing with another girl. They had been playing dress up. Imani said this little girl has brown skin, just like her and was her friend. She was content to know a peer who was similar to her. Okay, the payoff is already acruing value.

Tina and I both have jobs, so I guess we’ll be able to pay the mortgage. Not sure about daycare, but we are back and that’s what’s important.

Syndrome

I am promising myself this is the last time I write about how my family is coping (or not coping) with our moving to Sacramento. Last night Tina and I went to dinner with my mom, dad, siblings and their respective partners. We went to my favorite sushi place. Dinner was wonderful. I had a few cocktails to take the edge off and the sushi rolls were out of this world. We were all being quite civil, which we can do in public. It was a great time. I even had the pleasure of watching the owner of the restraunt make the sushi, from a distance. It was amazing to see his commitment and dedication to his craft. We all left the restraunt feeling incredible. I am sure they put crack in the T & T sauce.

Once we got back to my parents, Tina went to bed and put on my PJs. I thought it would be nice to sit around the living room with my parents and sister to bond. MISTAKE. That was the kind of mood I was in after that amazing food. I forgot all about self-preservation. My guard was down. After a few moments of polite conversation, my sister started saying how mad she was that we were moving and that it was not okay. She said we were making the biggest mistake and we would regret it. We have ruined everything for Imani, for the whole family. Nothing will ever be the same again. We made an impulsive decision and we don’t know what we are doing. Imani will forget them and they will be strangers to her. We will never come back. Then she said the most hurtful. She said she was done and when we pull out of the driveway, she is not going to be there. What does that mean? She isn’t going to put forth any effort to keep in touch with us? To keep her relationship with Imani intact? Wow. I didn’t expect that from her.

Throughout her monolouge I tried to explain why we made the decision we have. It was useless. She has blinders. I expect this kind of thing from my brother. At dinner he already referred to Imani as “Imani who?” Just to be funny. He even got a few laughs. You may be thinkjng about my parents at this point and their reaction as they sat there on the living room couch next to me. My dad has been the most supportive of me and this decision. He was saying how they will come out to visit often and bring Imani to Utah for visits. My sister’s response was to say “Yeah, right. No you won’t.” At one point my dad reached over and patted my hand. My mom sat on the couch crying, saying Imani was going to forget her. Great. At this point I was really at a loss. Bed was my only solution.

What amazes me most is that in the past 4 years that we have lived here, Tina and I have been nothing but supportive of my family. It didn’t matter what decision, choice, or mistake was already made. I know they have not even considered how painful their words and actions have been to me. And they never will. You see my guard is back up and I will not let it down again.

I am using this blog as therapy. I am sure some people do the same. Seeing all this in writing, makes it easier somehow; not as tragic, swirling around in my thoughts. Last night even seems a little silly, surreal. My sister has diagnosed herself with Asperger’s Syndrome. Maybe electro shock therapy would be helpful?

Terrorist Plot Invades North Salt Lake Home

We are staying with my parents for the last few days we are in Utah.Which is going to make it all the more difficult to pull away Saturday morning. We have been with them since Sunday night and there have not been any casualties. My sister lives with my parents and she is taking our move the hardest. She is operating at a moderate fume level at this point. But Sunday she was explosive.

Tina and I had a couple of garage sales to get rid of massive piles of junk. About 4 years ago Sherry gave us a purple chair and ottoman. They were huge and we decided we didn’t want to take them to Sacramento, so we asked her if she wanted them back. She said yes. During this time she was studying for and taking the Bar Exam so she was incommunicado. Tina kept obssessing about the chair and ottoman. “Your sister really needs to come and get this chair. When is she coming to get the chair? Have you talked to your sister about the chair? There are a couple of people at my office who are interested in the chair. Have you heard from your sister?” I succumbed to the easy way out and we sold the purple chair and ottoman.

I told my mom, but I asked her not to tell my sister until I had the chance. She told my sister. This is the hell I live in. Needless to say, Sunday night she let me have it. At least 2 battles ensued with only a handful of the F word thrown around. Not only was she upset over the fact that we are moving and we sold her chair and ottoman, but because we did not tell her first. I have really avoided telling any member of my family that we are moving because of the looks of reproach and judgement. I needed a couple more days before I told her about the chair/ottoman. It takes time to make up a huge, convincing lie. Damn my mom.

Sunday night my brother and his family came over for dinner (enter the Terrorist). There was visible tension in the atmosphere between my sister and I and he was reveling. As the evening wore on, the tension decreased and my sister and I were being civil. This my brother could not tolerate. He is the Rush Limbaugh of the family. Right before he leaves for the safety of his Ford Explorer (all 5 children as cover), he pulls the pin on the grenade. “I was looking for a nice, big, comfortable purple chair to sit on; with an ottoman to rest my feet, but someone sold it!” My sister battled on and I retreated, giving Tina the cold shoulder all night.

The Big Countdown Freakout

Only one more week left until we are on the road to Sacramento, 5 days to be exact. I am freaked out, trying to fit all the last minute details into place. I was really hoping that we could fit all of our stuff into one of those moving containers, but not quite enough room. We will have to pull a small trailer behind Tina’s car and get a storage unit in Sacramento. I am a little nervous about this, picturing all sorts of disasters. The trailer careening down I-80, taking out several cars. The car’s engine burning up outside of Battle Mountain, NV. I am usually not so fatalistic, but this move has been tumultuous. First Tina and I wavering about the decision for the past 6 months and then my family being unsupportive and a little pissy. Unmedicated emotional rollarcoasters are horrible.

It has been difficult to be excited about this move. I have had a few learning moments realizing how people react when you make a life choice that does not match their choices for you. I have been surprised by the questioning of our parenting and decision-making skills, even by people who do not have children or particularly like children. How dare we take Imani away from her extended family?!? Godforbid, they will never get to see her again!@#*! (Big sigh) I know they are just trying to express how much they love us and will miss us, but I just can’t wait until we are settled in Sacramento.

I am trying to take in all the wonderful things I love about Utah in the little time we have left. We are getting together with friends, going to favorite restraunts, and taking in all the positive energy from the incredible mountains.  Our house is almost completely empty and I am immediately reminded of the day we left our  first house in Sacaramento. It was a beautiful June morning; Imani was 5 months old. Tina and I were just getting used to the idea of being parents. Just understanding that every decision we made would impact the person she is and would become. We pulled out of that driveway with some doubt and regret, but we did it anyway. It was an important decision and life lessons have been learned in the past 4 years of our journey here.

Now I look into Imani’s empty bedroom, all her things packed away until we find a new home, and I realize the what we are teaching her now. Be fearless. Welcome change and new adventures. Take on challenges and overcome adversity. Not bad for a couple of freaked out moms. 

Weird Times

Leaving one place for another is weird. That is the only way I know to describe it. Everything seems to be dislocating here. I guess it should be, but so fast? Moving out of the house we have lived in for 4 years will be heartbreaking. We really put ourselves into the little abode and to have strangers move in and change everything is kinda fucked up. I know, I know. We sold it. We didn’t want to live in it anymore. But a part of me will always be there. I’m thinking of burying something in the backyard. Maybe the three of us can leave a little something symbolic. Maybe this is my chance to get rid of Princess Barbie. Do I dare? We’ll see.

The most difficult thing is separating from people. I can definitely feel it with the new friends we have made. I am distancing myself. It is so hard to say goodbye. I want to take everyone with me. Friends are the promise of a great future and we have met some wonderful people here. I will miss them.

SOLD

Well, our house is sold. It only took a week and a half. It went quick and I wasn’t really ready. I really thought it would take at least a month. The market here reminds me of the market in Sacramento about 4 yrs ago when we sold our little 951 sq. ft. house in 2 wks.

We are mentally and emotionally ready to move back to Sacramento, but my family is having a hard time. In fact my brother and sister are at a local bar right now, drinking away their sorrows. They are really giving us shit about leaving the Beehive State. They will miss Tina and I, but the real issue is Imani. See she is so sweet and wonderful that it is very difficult to be away from her for very long. My family has withdrawals. They have to see her at least every 4 to 5 days or they start freaking out. Grandma and Grandpa will just come by to pick her up. And they take her to evil places like Toys R Us where she is allowed to buy all things pink and Barbie. She has her eye on some Barbie computer. Who knows what subliminal messages it sends to little girls. Imani loves her Grandma and Grandpa, mostly because she thinks they are the king and queen of all things wonderful and of course they love her unconditionally.

Back to sister and brother. They are both wonderful people and I love them very much. Moving to Sacramento does not mean I am rejecting them or that I do not love them. My brother is my hero. If I ever need to have someone’s ass kicked, I call him. He is smart and tough. He has a wife and 5 kids (No, he is not a mormon, I swear). He also owns a business with my dad. He definitely has found his niche here. No questions asked. My sister just finished law school, landed a job at a firm where she earns a 6 digit salary, and she just started dating a really sweet guy. She has also found her niche here (regardless of what she says). My niche was in Sacramento. I had a couple of great jobs where I felt valued and grew professionally and personally. Tina and I met there and accomplished a lot of firsts. I came into my own. I changed as a person, how I felt about myself. I know the next month will be hard and they won’t stop giving me shit, but once I find my niche again, they will see me as a happier person. Tina will be happier. And Imani will just be fine. I promise. She will always have her Uncle Mike and Aunt Sherry. No matter how pissed they get at me.

Say My Name, Say My Name

There has been something a little disturbing about living in Utah. The way people spell their children’s names. Part of my job is registering family information, so I see many names on a daily basis. I am not sure if this is a problem of illiteracy so people are spelling phonetically, an absence of reading the classics in high school, or if parents just want to be cute. Tina and I seriously took on the naming of Imani. Her name is a label that she carries forever. It helps to define her character. Imani means faith and is the seventh day of Kwanzaa. Her middle name is Paloma, which means peace (or dove)  in Spanish. I would never dream of changing the spelling of either name. It would destroy the meaning and history. I wonder if this name thing has gone too far…Here are some real examples.

Alizea

Kaetlyn

Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards)

Tinicia

Teanna

Tawnie

Rebekka

Neeko

Ethin

The Road Trip

This past weekend we decided to get away and visit a wonderful friend of ours. Koko has been my friend since 6th grade at St. Joseph’s Elementary school in Ogden, Utah. 6th grade was when my parents decided to send me to St. Joe’s so I wouldn’t be corrupted (converted) by the little Mormon kids inviting me to Primary.

Koko is an amazing person. A true free spirit. We came out arund the same time, 25ish, and partied hard. It was a great time, but then we both needed a break. Koko slit for Palm Springs and I for Sacramento, We reconnected in Circleville, Utah. Home of Butch Cassidy’s Hideout. It was a nice break. I saw the most amazing thing. I saw the full moon rising over the mountainside. It felt so close. Like I could reach out and touch it.

Here are some pictures of us on our little get away:

Hello Again

It has been over a month since I have written. I feel like I have been neglecting a part of myself. It feels good to be tapping at the keys once again. We have been incredibly busy. Tina graduated with her MBA and she will submit her last paper next week sometime. I will be so happy and she will be ecstatic. This school thing has taken up so much of our lives for the past two years, it almost seems surreal that it is nearly over. Tina is upstairs right now working on her last paper, well she is supposed to be. She is really watching clips of South of Nowhere. She is suffering from writer’s block. I don’t blame her. The end is so close, yet so far. Especially when one is so easily distracted by lesbian high school girls.

 Well, we have made a huge decision that completely contradicts an earlier blog. *****We are moving back to Sacramento*******Why not? Tina is looking for a new job any way. For the past 2-3 years we have gone back and forth. We’re moving. No, we’re staying. Yes, we’re moving. And so on and so on.  You have no idea how emotionally draining that is. The main problem is that we have never felt settled here. We both have felt so restless. So temporary.  Out of sinc. Off balance. That is not so good for a relationship.

We listed our house and it sold in about a week and a half. My head is spinning. I had no idea it would go so fast. But I feel no remorse. I feel ready for a new adventure. I feel ready to let this adventure be over. There were some amazing, wonderful times, but there was also alot of crap that I will have a hard time forgetting.

I am wondering how Imani will do. This has been the only home she has known. She loves this house. It is her home and we are her family. She was okay with us packing half her toys (getting rid of clutter). She didn’t even pause when she noticed them all missing. But she is having difficulty processing the idea of some other people living in our home. I think that she thinks they are just going to move in with us. I have explained that we are going to have a new home. She is okay with that. As long as it has a chiminey and fireplace for Santa (this house is missing one and Santa has to come in through the door). She will miss her cousin, Kyle, and Grandma and Grandpa. She may cry and get pissed a few times, but she will be fine. She has a life full of experiences and new adventures. This will just be another one.

Whew, what a week!

Tina made it back from Spain and a few days later I left for New York for my sisters graduation. My life is finally starting to settle down a little this week.  Once Tina madeit home, she was exhausted, but here is one of the bazillion pictures she took.  

 

 When Imani and I got to the airport to pick Tina up, Imani started acting a little angry her mom was gone for so long. She hesitated just a little before going to her and she reluctantly gave her a hug. After about 15 minutes all was forgiven and we were back in sync, just really, really tired. That was Sunday. On Wednesday, I flew to NYC with my Mom, Dad, and sister. It was my sister’s graduation from law school.

It turned out to be an amazing trip. I was sceptical in the beginning. Were we really going to take our loving dysfunction national? Be in the same hotel room for 4 nights? This experiment could have gone very badly, but it didn’t. It went very, very well. In fact the trip renewed my hope for humanity. If my sister and I could share a bedroom and a bathroom without resorting to violence or profanity once, world peace is possible.

The funniest thing that happened in NYC: We were staying in a room on the 16th floor and each time we rode the elevator up, my dad would become a little anxious each time the elevator stopped. Is this the 16th? Is this the 16th? So my sister and I decided to give him a lesson on how to properly ride the elevator in NYC. See, Dad, when the door open the floor number is right here. See? 16. Right here. 1   6. Gawd, Dad. We had just gotten off the elevator, on the opposite side than we usually got off. My sister and I walked right into a wall. My mom laughed hysterically at us and my dad said in his wisdom, “Come on, it is this way girls.”  I am still giggling.

The 2nd funniest thing that happened in NYC: Free gifts from the perfume counter at Bloomingdale’s. My sister and I were on the search for new signature scents. Well, neither of us had signature scents (ignoring our feet) so better put, we were on the search for a signature scent. We headed for the only male perfume connoisseur in our line of vision. He chatted us up and I learned a lot about him. He is from Indiana, his sister manages a Red Lobster, he sends her the Donna Karan deodorant every couple of months (it really works, it really does), and he has lived in Queens for the past 4 yrs. And I am pretty sure he is a queen. Well, I saw this ad for Black Orchid by Tom Ford. It was beautiful. I wanted a sniff. He was happy to oblige. While I was sniffing away at the black card he sprayed with the stuff, he went on to tell me Tom Ford was quite the eccentric. Apparently Tom Ford  has stated in press releases that he actually intended for it to smell like (whisper) a man’s crotch. What?!? Please, do not say that again in front of my mom and dad. He did. He repeated himself at least twice. I think my parents put on their rose colored glasses and thought they were hearing a foreign language. Well, this guy was going to have a tough time selling the crap to a LESBIAN!!!!